I.NEED.TO.SEARCH.BACK.MY.SOUL.

I.NEED.TO.FIND.MYSELF.AGAIN.



blah

Mon to Friday: comes back from work, reach home by 7pm, online by 9pm till 12am, sleep.
Sat, Sun: endless amount of things to learn, HTML, japanese. Yes just these two are HUGE for me.

I'M GOING TO BE MYSELF FOR NOW, THE LEAST THING I COULD DO FOR MYSELF.

MYSELF
MYSELF
MYSELF
MYSELF
MYSELF

You can say probably I've made a decision, probably I've sort myself out.

Or you can say its nothing but an outcome of running away, turning to this resolution simply because I have no answer, not a fucking clue to this problem.

I'm reaching this level of apathy where nothing seems interesting, worth my energy.

What am I lacking to change this state of my conscientiousness? Perhaps I don't belong to this place, it's too fast, too adulterate, too difficult for me to handle.

Like as if life is not up to me now.

I probably think it's time, or I do not know...

How often I'd thought I've better myself as a person when I finally grasped the idea of compromising, take a leap back and everything continues. Yet now I think I have not.

Many times I wonder, if I'm really wasting my time or what I am doing now will eventually lead me to somewhere, where? I don't know.

First week into my job it was all excitment. Awesome company, great environment and flavourable benefits. The second and third came down hill. I ponder, thought perhaps its not what I wanted, or, it's not the right choice. I did something wrong. I was too implusive.

Then I started to look back, heaved. Realised my mistakes.

Should it be my time now to correct what I have missed before? Shall I just carry on with my plans? So much work, so exausted.

Is it worth my life? Is it worth it?

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. "

You have no idea how much I appreciate holidays now, gosh, I matured so much!



On a side note things are slowly moving into the right direction now, albeit hiccups now and then. Man... it seems like nature really has its own way of teaching you to become stronger after setbacks and setbacks. Like...cos I really don't believe in god.

"I'm standing infront of all these monsters, voice trembling and hands shaking, still I am going to be brave and speak up, I'm going to fight for my rights!"

Fight for your rights!

KEEP GOING