Everything went back to normal

Nothing's change

How nice...

Sometimes I would pretend to be on Forever 21, Topshop, Asos thinking that I'm might be ordering something... imagine myself spending again... but no... they don't attract me anymore

Perhaps should've perserve...

Some people made it perhaps

Wow

Since when did the world become so beautiful?

In that one moment

Mood:
Elated

~~~

As of today

everything is perfect before the coming sunday -the final truth. Or perhaps just the truth.

Routine

Monday to Friday:

8.30am - 6.00pm work
6.00pm - 8.00pm dinner + short rest
8.30pm - 10.00pm business
10.00pm to 11.00pm shower
11.00om to 11.45pm business again
12.00am snoozing away...

Not much life...

Weekends are so precious to me now

I.NEED.TO.SEARCH.BACK.MY.SOUL.

I.NEED.TO.FIND.MYSELF.AGAIN.



blah

Mon to Friday: comes back from work, reach home by 7pm, online by 9pm till 12am, sleep.
Sat, Sun: endless amount of things to learn, HTML, japanese. Yes just these two are HUGE for me.

I'M GOING TO BE MYSELF FOR NOW, THE LEAST THING I COULD DO FOR MYSELF.

MYSELF
MYSELF
MYSELF
MYSELF
MYSELF

You can say probably I've made a decision, probably I've sort myself out.

Or you can say its nothing but an outcome of running away, turning to this resolution simply because I have no answer, not a fucking clue to this problem.

I'm reaching this level of apathy where nothing seems interesting, worth my energy.

What am I lacking to change this state of my conscientiousness? Perhaps I don't belong to this place, it's too fast, too adulterate, too difficult for me to handle.

Like as if life is not up to me now.

I probably think it's time, or I do not know...

How often I'd thought I've better myself as a person when I finally grasped the idea of compromising, take a leap back and everything continues. Yet now I think I have not.

Many times I wonder, if I'm really wasting my time or what I am doing now will eventually lead me to somewhere, where? I don't know.

First week into my job it was all excitment. Awesome company, great environment and flavourable benefits. The second and third came down hill. I ponder, thought perhaps its not what I wanted, or, it's not the right choice. I did something wrong. I was too implusive.

Then I started to look back, heaved. Realised my mistakes.

Should it be my time now to correct what I have missed before? Shall I just carry on with my plans? So much work, so exausted.

Is it worth my life? Is it worth it?

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. "

You have no idea how much I appreciate holidays now, gosh, I matured so much!



On a side note things are slowly moving into the right direction now, albeit hiccups now and then. Man... it seems like nature really has its own way of teaching you to become stronger after setbacks and setbacks. Like...cos I really don't believe in god.

"I'm standing infront of all these monsters, voice trembling and hands shaking, still I am going to be brave and speak up, I'm going to fight for my rights!"

Fight for your rights!

KEEP GOING

and i hope this happens to them

selfish people should die

I feel like this right now.

Hope everything will turn out right.

Bill Maher is the man

You have to watch it if you haven't. Its awesome!

Btw, it's already released.

Irina by Lina Scheynius

When you are feeling lonely and sad and nothing but lonely and sad. This will make you feel better.

Also explains why I have this wanting heart to learn filming.

You're so right!

via lovegifs

What a brilliant picture

Link

Love you Octave!

"YOU’RE OBLIGED TO PRETEND RESPECT FOR PEOPLE AND INSTITUTIONS YOU THINK ABSURD. YOU LIVE ATTACHED IN A COWARDLY FASHION TO MORAL AND SOCIAL CONVENTIONS YOU DESPISE, CONDEMN, AND KNOW LACK ALL FOUNDATION. IT IS THAT PERMANENT CONTRADICTION BETWEEN YOUR IDEAS AND DESIRES AND ALL THE DEAD FORMALITIES AND VAIN PRETENSES OF YOUR CIVILIZATION WHICH MAKES YOU SAD, TROUBLED AND UNBALANCED. IN THAT INTOLERABLE CONFLICT YOU LOSE ALL JOY OF LIFE AND ALL FEELING OF PERSONALITY, BECAUSE AT EVERY MOMENT THEY SUPPRESS AND RESTRAIN AND CHECK THE FREE PLAY OF YOUR POWERS. THAT’S THE POISONED AND MORTAL WOUND OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD."

— OCTAVE MIRBEAU

(More images here)

Iran have been protesting for five days straight now. For those who are unaware, all shots seen in the media have been taken by brave Iranians themselves and smuggled out of the country, due to their new President banning all foreign journalists since the conflict over their election’s result (allegedly conspiratorial and tampered.)

Upon seeing this, you truly start to realise all the pointless things that you have been doing. We are too insignificant. Life is not fragile but miserable because idiots attempt to control our lives. This is so beyond words, innocent people lost their lives as a result of individual's selfishness. What man has become, really.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

— Ralph Waldo Emerson


ps. I am trying hard to understand, to let go of certain things that has created so much fear in me for first time in my life. It has been utterly aweful and frightening. It seems I could breakdown at any point of the time to be this nervous and anxious. Too much for me to handle, this is just simply too much. It has exceeded my level of acceptance, I've never imagined this and probably I'll freak out. I think I already have. I need to create a new peace in me.

Most Important Thing Ever:

NO PRICE IS TOO HIGH TO PAY FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF OWNING YOURSELF, EVEN IF IT MEANS TO BE LONELY MOST OF THE TIME.

LIFE HAS BEEN GOOD

1. Goddess.

2. Long time no see outfit post.

SHITHOLE SHITHOLE

source: flickr

OLD OLD

oh so old...

THIS LITTLE THING SMELLS LIKE HEAVEN

Source: Me

ONE DAY, I'LL LOOK BACK AND SAY THESE WORDS

I have suffered like no one else would suffer and became stronger like no one else would.

I'VE CHANGED YOU NOE

YOU NOE**

Daniela Borges

**

Monika Jagaciak

**

Katia Sergeeva

*Sweetheart*

Sunday

1. A movie about dreams, passion and setbacks through a journey of finding and owning oneself.


2. Friends.


,
Abeo

Beautiful People, Beautiful Scenery

Source: Teen vogue

Movie review: Boy A (mature themed)

I have completely zero knowledge about the movie until I watched it. At first instance you wouldn't know what the movie is exactly talking about. I was guessing between illegal immigrants ( I've read a book about it recently, that's probably why) and a young criminal being released on a certain day. Then, in between times, the movie will bring you back to the childhood days. It'll show you what happened then when the characters were still school boys. Later on, I've realised its a film story revolving around 2 to 3 problematic boys and their relationship with the people around them. Well some part of it appears to be quite shocking (at least to me). And then towards the middle you'll start to see a clearer picture of the story which is much more complicated than I have thought. The movie, however sometimes a tad bit slow, is a true good film about real life situations with almost perfect presentation from the actor- Jack. Of course and the great directing, sound recording and editing and etc.


"An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind"~ unknown


Feeling a good sunday,
Abeo

How pathetic

pissed,
Abeo

So afraid...

" I desire for love, but at the same time I am so afraid. I’m afraid of the thought to be in love, to love somebody who does not love you as much as you love that someone, or worst still to love somebody that will eventually hurt you in the end. The foreseen sorrows that will tear you apart, affects you and cause a tremendous amount of pain… What if I can’t endure all of these, yet I longed for the love, that’s so undeniably alluring, to be loved, cared and be in arms. Frightening it is, to think that it’s something so desirable and yet so gravely terrifying. It just can’t stop me from thinking that I’ll live my whole life all alone by myself, for I’m too fragile to even try…" ~ fsfs

still tired,
Abeo

foto source: flickr

Dreams cannot...they cannot...

"There’s no point in dancing with dreams. Dreams cannot wrap their arms around you on cold nights. They cannot call you first thing in the morning just to say hello. They cannot kiss your forehead or hold your hand. Dreams live in the mind, and it is there that they stay. Dreams cannot keep you company when you are alone. Dreams cannot...they cannot..."~ unknown


tired,
Abeo

foto: unknown

Michaela Bercu

"If we mirror ourselves in our possessions and all the material things we see around us, we can't see our true self." ~ Buddha

Busy doing things,
Abeo

OUH

Appreciating,
Abeo

ps. and to eli, I saw your e-mail. Well I don't know how you managed to find out about that but really thank you so much :)

Pictures from the past

when I was still "innocent*, bold and rebellious and enjoying my X'mas celebration.





ps. B13 has once again stirred up my passion for martial arts. As a result, the past 3 days has been *sensational*, every ounce of my muscles ache. Do your KongFu!

oh deer,
Abeo

.






1. Eerie. All hearts*
2. Just testing out
3. An ancient old picture of me and someone else.

Moody over something unable to tell,
Abeo

ps. So what should I get for you? Oh dear I can't ask you because it will need to be a surprise. Thinking. Thinking. Ok crack/:

Cos it is

"From the moment we become aware of the world around us, we begin to wonder about our place within it. The questions we ask are timeless: Why am I here? How do I fit into the scheme of things? What is my destiny? As a children, we tend to think of the future as a clean sheet of paper upon which we can write our own stories. The possibilities seem endless, and we are energized by the promise of discovery and the sheer pleasure of living immersed in so much potential. But as we grow up, become adults, and are "educated" about our own limitations, our view of the future becomes contricted. What once lifted our imaginations now weighs us down with dread and anxiety. What once felt boundless becomes narrow and dark." ~ Deepak Chopra

And no, I'm not into mediation.

End of,
Abeo

foto: me